I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
