Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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