In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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