If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
