So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
