So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
