I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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