Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
