How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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