one two three fourrrrnication!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize