i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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