So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
