you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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