No stitches, just platelets and will power
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
