2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
