In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
