How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
