I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
