I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
