How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
