I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
