her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
