its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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