Cold hands, warm shart.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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