My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
