Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
