David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
