We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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