Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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