Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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