my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
