I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
