In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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