That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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