I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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