I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
