she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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