Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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