I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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