our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
