Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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