she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
