: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
