Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
