its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
