i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
