We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you inspire me to be a worse person
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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