Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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