he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
