You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
