I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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