WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i think my cat just said my name.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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